I have been very very tired lately - a complete package - body, mind and soul.
Experiencing body ache every now and then..
At the office, try my very best not to procrastinate... things keep on coming in and piling up. Racing against time, tried delegating... .. but sometimes its not to my satisfaction and at the end of the day you would end up doing all over again. Be positive! Its another phase in my life.
At home, though its only myself and hubby, tried to be the diligent chef during weekends. But this sincere thoughts remain as it is. 2 days of rest equals to insufficiency of good rest and wanting for more!
Have to balance things out ..career, family, parents, friends... secret admirers!!
Feel like losing my energy... drain out. Could it be my age...? leading a monotonous life? wanting for more challenge (hmmhh... maybe...) or is it merely tired?
I am forcing myself ...driving and accelerating my energy to the max...
Trying to absorb things happening around me positively...
I need a BREAK....
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
SOUL Attachment
A friend told me once - when a wife dies, the husband will follow suit couple of months after that. But when a husband dies, the wife can survive for couple of years..Closer to home, i think there is a truth in that statement. It happened to my grannies, my aunties and even my SIL! That is an informal statistics that indicates women are strong (not physically strong) than men !
I asked that friend of mine why is that so? (hubby can't survive after wifey left him for good). His answer was simple. "LOVE". That friend of mine said " I love my wife... I can't let her die before I die. I know if I were to be around when she gets sick or ill and bedridden, I will take good care of her until she dies..peacefully." I promised myself in whatever circumstances I will take good care of her. That's how deep my love is for her. And I know I will follow suit shortly after that as I couldnt live alone without having her beside me." That was to me a 'declaration of love' from an elderly person (aged 55.. i guess - well, age doesnt matter when it comes to love!).
Obviously I was so touched and wept when he said that. We went on talking on how he defines LOVE. To him love is nothing more than respecting each other, being a loyal companion for each other be it during happiness and sorrows. "I can't sleep in my bedroom when she is not around... I would rather sleep on the couch in the living room with lights on". Its not about having that intimate relationship at this age...but it is the feeling of losing someone close to your heart. She is my soul atachment". Wow.. that's deep (i told myself).
Posted him some 'naughty' questions... did he ever falls for someone else during his entire marriage... Calmly he responded, "No, but I did admire some people..maybe because the way that ppl carried themselves. It had never been more than that. And I didnt have time for that as I had to work hard as the breadwinner of the family. And even if I were to be given a chance for that, I dont think it is wise for me to get myself into that kinda mess". I wonder if such a love exists... Maybe there is.. I am sure.
So what's your definition of love? I believe it varies depending on one's upbringing, education and surroundings. Sometimes love strucks when you are in 'difficult' situations.... even though you try to run, it chases after you. Perhaps, rationale and your true LOVE will show you the right way to take or choose. Sometimes, as human we get carried away. But if we hold fast to the rule of LOVE, we might see the light at the end of the tunnel. And sometimes it is God's testings (for the chosen ones) when our LOVE fail halfway ......teaching us to be a better person....
I think LOVE is so demanding nowadays. LOVE needs to be expressed ... (not in materialistic ways but we need to know if our loved ones have the same degree of LOVE towards us). But LOVE still lies in the eyes of the beholders...it is very subjective but qualitative.
The longer you spend your life with your partner, the more 'instinct' you have that would tell you on your partner's love for you.... so no words of love need to be uttered as you have found your soul attachment.
After all these years, I wonder if my marriage has reached that level of soul attachment.... still counting though... dont wanna fail or perhaps fear to fail... something that i dont wanna imagine at all....
I asked that friend of mine why is that so? (hubby can't survive after wifey left him for good). His answer was simple. "LOVE". That friend of mine said " I love my wife... I can't let her die before I die. I know if I were to be around when she gets sick or ill and bedridden, I will take good care of her until she dies..peacefully." I promised myself in whatever circumstances I will take good care of her. That's how deep my love is for her. And I know I will follow suit shortly after that as I couldnt live alone without having her beside me." That was to me a 'declaration of love' from an elderly person (aged 55.. i guess - well, age doesnt matter when it comes to love!).
Obviously I was so touched and wept when he said that. We went on talking on how he defines LOVE. To him love is nothing more than respecting each other, being a loyal companion for each other be it during happiness and sorrows. "I can't sleep in my bedroom when she is not around... I would rather sleep on the couch in the living room with lights on". Its not about having that intimate relationship at this age...but it is the feeling of losing someone close to your heart. She is my soul atachment". Wow.. that's deep (i told myself).
Posted him some 'naughty' questions... did he ever falls for someone else during his entire marriage... Calmly he responded, "No, but I did admire some people..maybe because the way that ppl carried themselves. It had never been more than that. And I didnt have time for that as I had to work hard as the breadwinner of the family. And even if I were to be given a chance for that, I dont think it is wise for me to get myself into that kinda mess". I wonder if such a love exists... Maybe there is.. I am sure.
So what's your definition of love? I believe it varies depending on one's upbringing, education and surroundings. Sometimes love strucks when you are in 'difficult' situations.... even though you try to run, it chases after you. Perhaps, rationale and your true LOVE will show you the right way to take or choose. Sometimes, as human we get carried away. But if we hold fast to the rule of LOVE, we might see the light at the end of the tunnel. And sometimes it is God's testings (for the chosen ones) when our LOVE fail halfway ......teaching us to be a better person....
I think LOVE is so demanding nowadays. LOVE needs to be expressed ... (not in materialistic ways but we need to know if our loved ones have the same degree of LOVE towards us). But LOVE still lies in the eyes of the beholders...it is very subjective but qualitative.
The longer you spend your life with your partner, the more 'instinct' you have that would tell you on your partner's love for you.... so no words of love need to be uttered as you have found your soul attachment.
After all these years, I wonder if my marriage has reached that level of soul attachment.... still counting though... dont wanna fail or perhaps fear to fail... something that i dont wanna imagine at all....
Monday, May 16, 2011
Life without a FATHER
Last week, I received couple of SMSs from Oya which read "Anyah dah on the way balik ke?" And my reply was "yup and why". "Oya nak Anyah jadi guarantor for UITM punya form ni".. "Okay.. no problem" i replied back.
While driving home, my focus was on Oya... the first grandchild in the family. After her late father passed away (she was 9 at that time) she stayed with her grand parents- my parents. I couldn't figure out as to whether she misses her late father since she is a bit introvert when it comes to her 'personal' feelings. My mind is now narrowing to the moment when she was left unattended with a confused face on 29 March 2002, Ampang Putri Hospital - the day Azmin, my late brother breathed, the last time.
Yeah she was 9 and hardly knew (maybe) what was going on. She didnt cry at all... I found her little note book where she wrote down all the important phone numbers.. the list was on mine, the grand parents, my brothers and the name "Rumah Abah"... "Rumah Abah" was cancelled and replaced with "Rumah Arwah". I found this on the 3rd day kenduri tahlil...... I couldn't hold my tears then and even now....
She's grown now to be someone just like her late father (tall physically)...i tried so many times to 'talk' to her in other words to let her express her feelings.... I know life without someone to call a father is tough! Even though her uncles (my brothers) are around to offer her the love of a father, i think its not the same...
I could say that she was not that close to her mother (perhaps she was so attached with my parents since she was a baby). Their relationship is what I called as "formal mother daughter relationship" where my SIL will do the visits when it comes to festival celebrations and for school registration. Other than that, she belongs to us.
And i notice that living with grand parents have pros and cons..especially with a grand father who is over protective and hold fast to his beliefs (of coz with good intentions) that he can "mould and control" Oya like he used to do on me when I was at Oya's age. Well there is a great difference between my time and Oya's ...which my father unintentionally failed to consider. I strongly believe this is also a responsibility that he carries as a grandfather to his late son's daughter. And that has left Oya, a teenager with some discomfort at times... I sometimes received her SMSs at late nights voicing her unpleasant situations ... I pittied her but all I can do also as a mother to her...to calm her down and made her see what was wrong and what was right.
I hope she will become an independent person and she is one now..She made her online application for Uni alone... Without the love of a father, she managed to excel in her studies... yeah she did it...I knew how my parents felt on Oya's achievement. Its another jubilation of them both.
She is about to enrol in her Law studies in a week or two. I bid her all the best.... My parents will miss her a lot I guess despite all those naggings, complains and what not... Bringing up a girl is not that easy ..especially when technology is at its peak! I fear for her safety everyday... i think we in the family feel the same...
When she was 7, I still remembered my late brother's piece of words to her (which I think now is irrelevant...) "Abah frust ngan Oya... Abah hantar Oya pergi tuition, tapi Abah tak happy dengan results Oya"....
I was there during that moment and i think (now) at 7, she was as innocent as Amir who was playful all the times... hehhehe...
To Oya, congratulations... you did it... This is the beginning of everything..so hold on fast to the best principles of life...We love u and will always be there for you..
That reminds me Father's Day is just around the corner ....To my father, my beloved other half, brothers, friends and to all fathers out there... Happy Father's Day...
Yeah she was 9 and hardly knew (maybe) what was going on. She didnt cry at all... I found her little note book where she wrote down all the important phone numbers.. the list was on mine, the grand parents, my brothers and the name "Rumah Abah"... "Rumah Abah" was cancelled and replaced with "Rumah Arwah". I found this on the 3rd day kenduri tahlil...... I couldn't hold my tears then and even now....
She's grown now to be someone just like her late father (tall physically)...i tried so many times to 'talk' to her in other words to let her express her feelings.... I know life without someone to call a father is tough! Even though her uncles (my brothers) are around to offer her the love of a father, i think its not the same...
I could say that she was not that close to her mother (perhaps she was so attached with my parents since she was a baby). Their relationship is what I called as "formal mother daughter relationship" where my SIL will do the visits when it comes to festival celebrations and for school registration. Other than that, she belongs to us.
And i notice that living with grand parents have pros and cons..especially with a grand father who is over protective and hold fast to his beliefs (of coz with good intentions) that he can "mould and control" Oya like he used to do on me when I was at Oya's age. Well there is a great difference between my time and Oya's ...which my father unintentionally failed to consider. I strongly believe this is also a responsibility that he carries as a grandfather to his late son's daughter. And that has left Oya, a teenager with some discomfort at times... I sometimes received her SMSs at late nights voicing her unpleasant situations ... I pittied her but all I can do also as a mother to her...to calm her down and made her see what was wrong and what was right.
I hope she will become an independent person and she is one now..She made her online application for Uni alone... Without the love of a father, she managed to excel in her studies... yeah she did it...I knew how my parents felt on Oya's achievement. Its another jubilation of them both.
She is about to enrol in her Law studies in a week or two. I bid her all the best.... My parents will miss her a lot I guess despite all those naggings, complains and what not... Bringing up a girl is not that easy ..especially when technology is at its peak! I fear for her safety everyday... i think we in the family feel the same...
When she was 7, I still remembered my late brother's piece of words to her (which I think now is irrelevant...) "Abah frust ngan Oya... Abah hantar Oya pergi tuition, tapi Abah tak happy dengan results Oya"....
I was there during that moment and i think (now) at 7, she was as innocent as Amir who was playful all the times... hehhehe...
To Oya, congratulations... you did it... This is the beginning of everything..so hold on fast to the best principles of life...We love u and will always be there for you..
That reminds me Father's Day is just around the corner ....To my father, my beloved other half, brothers, friends and to all fathers out there... Happy Father's Day...
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sweeten up your life..
The price of sugar rose again...
Looking at the positive side, may contribute to the low sugar intake of the Malaysians...as per advised by the government and the ministry of health..
But do they have to increase the price just for this sake?or like what has been widely mentioned..the government is pondering on subsidizing more on sugar.... hmmmhhhhhh.
I know that i am selfish if i were to say that i care less about the price increase of the sugar as one packet of sugar will last me almost 3 months!!! But that’s the truth...
But pity those families (who have to really work hard in order to ensure that their ends meet every month) ...how are they coping with this.... the increase might be small (20 cents)...but the hard work is more... God bless those families...
Not sure whether we can expect the same taste of teh tarik... (thick and sweet!!!) anymore... i overheard a news in the radio that the mamak association has decided not to increase the price of teh tarik.... (that is a "noble" contribution... hahahahah)... but is it with the same taste ah? Or less sweet...
(well my hubby is sugar conscious lately)... whenever we are at mamak, he used to ordered "mamak ! teh tarik kurang manis!... and he makes sure he ordered the same thing for me....
On top of that puasa is just around the corner... i bet many ppl will do their stock keeping .. for all the cakes and biscuits...
Last nite when we had dinner together, mum told me she had done her bits... stocking the sugar.... aiyo.... she is more advanced than me...ever ready all the times!
Whatever it is, at what price the sugar is placed, it is good if we could put some control in our our sugar intake. It helps us in the long run... or to some ppl short term... (well I am talking about diabetic and the price that we have to pay for that!)
Less sweet, sweeten up your life!
Have a good day ahead peeps!
The Urge to write
The urge is still there... the only tool that allows me to share and express all moments in my life be it happinesss, anger, hatred, sorrow ....
It has been quite sometime that I might negligently left this blog of mine unattended... well.. maybe got carried away with other things in life.
Here i am again... writing the pieces and bits of my mind and my life...
It has been quite sometime that I might negligently left this blog of mine unattended... well.. maybe got carried away with other things in life.
Here i am again... writing the pieces and bits of my mind and my life...
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year, New Hope.
Lama rasanya tak blog! Bukan malas, in fact a lot to tell but the issue is always time... Looks like I am blaming the time again. Well that's the art of life... Sometimes people blame someone for a simple excuse..for not really want to be responsible and own up to the mistakes..
That's not what I want to write. Its already 2011. The last time I wrote was in September? Wow... that's toooo long... how time flies... thought it was just yesterday..hehehehe..
Tasks at the office have kept me occupied these of couple of months. New experiences were gained, new lessons learnt and new faces came into my life. Feel that I am blessed with all these invaluable moments.
I am hoping for new joy and happiness in 2011. Aiming for big chunk of bonus... (sighhh... how I wish....) and may Allah bless the whole family and friends with all the happiness, joy and of coz prosperity through out 2011.
Tomorrow is Amir's first day at Little Tot's ... my little boy has grown up... he is entering into a new life... meeting new friends... sedih plak rasanya.... hopefully esok, he will be okay... and I hope that I won't cry.... hahahahha...
That's not what I want to write. Its already 2011. The last time I wrote was in September? Wow... that's toooo long... how time flies... thought it was just yesterday..hehehehe..
Tasks at the office have kept me occupied these of couple of months. New experiences were gained, new lessons learnt and new faces came into my life. Feel that I am blessed with all these invaluable moments.
I am hoping for new joy and happiness in 2011. Aiming for big chunk of bonus... (sighhh... how I wish....) and may Allah bless the whole family and friends with all the happiness, joy and of coz prosperity through out 2011.
Tomorrow is Amir's first day at Little Tot's ... my little boy has grown up... he is entering into a new life... meeting new friends... sedih plak rasanya.... hopefully esok, he will be okay... and I hope that I won't cry.... hahahahha...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Must it ends this way?
I always look forward for Sundays when it comes to reading news ... in all papers...
Just read HM and UM...
Looks like the news were more focusing on relationships -marriage. Some covered on divorce, some on marrital problems that would lead to divorce... Must it ends this way?
During my younger days or the early day of my marriage, I don't see this as an issue but nowadays problems in marriage are freely and openly dicsussed in media especially those of the celebrities... Is it a trend? or no longer a taboo? Only God knows why?
But I still believe marriage is something sacred ... two souls travelling the pathway of life as one...that should not be broken ..But today marriage is viewed differently. Some of us sailed thru for merely couple of years..even though the years of courting were declared to be perfect. Some struggle to ensure the institution remains solid and strong. Some lose the battles.... with/without fighthing.... Must it ends this way?
Well maybe the magic word here is LOVE. To me no matter how bad is the situation, if LOVE is still in command, any marriage can survive. It takes two to tango... So its a duty of both husband and wife.
As we grow older and wiser, when we found that our other half are not the person that we've known before and when we`are just like desperate souls .... we should be looking for a tune-up or a major revamp and ... we should search for one miracle tip that will whip our marriage back into shape... Its the beginning to rekindle the romance and keeps the fire burning...
To my beloved Hubby ... we've gone thru a lot...happiness, sadness and even madness through all these years... and alhamduliilah no matter what it takes and come what may... our LOVE still survives... I hope and pray hard that this LOVE will never end.
Dear hubby, thank you for all the love, patience and understanding ...
May our LOVE remains strong and valid till death do us apart..
To the love birds - Kama & Suzie who are tying the scared knot today..May both of you sail through the unpredictable waves and strong winds of the ocean... :)
Just read HM and UM...
Looks like the news were more focusing on relationships -marriage. Some covered on divorce, some on marrital problems that would lead to divorce... Must it ends this way?
During my younger days or the early day of my marriage, I don't see this as an issue but nowadays problems in marriage are freely and openly dicsussed in media especially those of the celebrities... Is it a trend? or no longer a taboo? Only God knows why?
But I still believe marriage is something sacred ... two souls travelling the pathway of life as one...that should not be broken ..But today marriage is viewed differently. Some of us sailed thru for merely couple of years..even though the years of courting were declared to be perfect. Some struggle to ensure the institution remains solid and strong. Some lose the battles.... with/without fighthing.... Must it ends this way?
Well maybe the magic word here is LOVE. To me no matter how bad is the situation, if LOVE is still in command, any marriage can survive. It takes two to tango... So its a duty of both husband and wife.
As we grow older and wiser, when we found that our other half are not the person that we've known before and when we`are just like desperate souls .... we should be looking for a tune-up or a major revamp and ... we should search for one miracle tip that will whip our marriage back into shape... Its the beginning to rekindle the romance and keeps the fire burning...
To my beloved Hubby ... we've gone thru a lot...happiness, sadness and even madness through all these years... and alhamduliilah no matter what it takes and come what may... our LOVE still survives... I hope and pray hard that this LOVE will never end.
Dear hubby, thank you for all the love, patience and understanding ...
May our LOVE remains strong and valid till death do us apart..
To the love birds - Kama & Suzie who are tying the scared knot today..May both of you sail through the unpredictable waves and strong winds of the ocean... :)
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Life begins at 40?
This entry is specially dedicated to someone whom I have known for more than 40 years..
Who else ? my own brother ......
I guess finally, you've made it? Congratulations! After all the hardships, difficulties, etc, etc, ...
Its true eh...life begins at 40.?
Personally, I think you deserve it. Well its true, there were many ups and downs... even I myself exeperienced and still experiencing ... but al those searchings before be it high or low, is compensated now.
But bear in mind, the hardships will never end... its just the beginning...
But when you are at the top, dont forget the ppl around you...ppl who have been praying for your victory, ppl who have been sacrificing their time, love and happiness for your sake...
I pray and wish that happiness is always with you, Rosie and the kids.
So when is the 'feast'?
Who else ? my own brother ......
I guess finally, you've made it? Congratulations! After all the hardships, difficulties, etc, etc, ...
Its true eh...life begins at 40.?
Personally, I think you deserve it. Well its true, there were many ups and downs... even I myself exeperienced and still experiencing ... but al those searchings before be it high or low, is compensated now.
But bear in mind, the hardships will never end... its just the beginning...
But when you are at the top, dont forget the ppl around you...ppl who have been praying for your victory, ppl who have been sacrificing their time, love and happiness for your sake...
I pray and wish that happiness is always with you, Rosie and the kids.
So when is the 'feast'?
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