I'm SINKing?

I'm leaving her tonite. Gotta go back after 3 days accompanying her.
I am dying to see dad....These few days, his condition was 'reported' by both Joe and Ed. Perhaps I am more confident to see his condition with my very own eyes.

I have been occupying my time here by surfing ...searching info on lungs infection, hip surgery for elderly, recurring cancer, what's the treatment etc, etc...

Couldn't really focus in what I do. Mind is easily swayed and ended thinking of something else sighhhhhhhh.....
Have to admit that this is the most challenging situation to deal with..
Its very depressing at times...
Last week she was in good condition. The following day, after another treatment she is very weak...
Its frustrating to see her unstable condition...

Dad seems to be consistent... merely slight improvement. He's having fever at the moment while his lungs is being attended to by the docs. Knowing him, who cant really stay put, he must be very very restless. When all of a sudden, bedridden, he is not himself. Let alone the fracture that needs to be atended soon as well...
...more depressing situation to me...

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This oncology ward is a bit quiet except during lunch visiting hour. Most of them are on home leave. Some also left since they have completed the treatment. Makcik Minah left the ward earlier. I was informed that her family wanted to try other alternatives. The 'kakak' whose hubby who had tongue cancer left. Her hubby passed away last Wed. So did the captain who had liver cancer left us for good also last week. Its sad to know that people whom you know for a short span of time left you... for good. Their passings were expected ...May all of them rest in peace.. Aminnnn..

I met 2 Chinese aunties who are now at their 80s. The first aunty's bed was just opposite mum's. She couldn't walk and therefore could't take care of herself. For these few days, I would go to her bed and offered her my assistance. Normally it was merely helping her to get boiled water, to pass her the bread or biscuits...  But she went home just now.... she has only 3 days to finish her treatment. A strong lady to me.

The other Chinese lady was placed a bit far. Since the ward is now not fully occupied, she was a bit isolated. I went to see her yesterday. She's 81. This morning I gotto know from her friend that she had breast cancer and had them removed 11 years ago. Now she has problem with her lungs. Half a pile of water was took out from her lungs yesterday... She has no one with her since her daughter is in Singapore. ... A nice lady to me .... she works in a temple and takes care of the temple near her house.

Frankly, talking to some ppl here makes me open my eyes wider. They are very positive, strong and they are nice and good people....They never thought what happened to them now is  a form of punishment..

And often nice and good people are tested in so many ways....
Perhaps I am one of them?
Or merely being tested and challenged to be nice and good people?
GOD knows!