SOUL searching

He was once an unsung hero...
But to the hearts of the people close to him... he is "the" hero.

Having a father who is an ex army is not always 'fun' .... and 'no joke'...
He created rules and regulations that have no loopholes for any possible breach.
He is tough - pyhsically and emotionally..
His punctuality is superb! (at my current age now, I always make sure that I reach on time whenever he summons us !!).
In a nutshell, years servicing in the army has taught him a lot about life. Life is not easy. Life is too short. Life is about managing and preparing yourself to be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong.
 
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This hero is no longer strong ...physically..
At 75 of age, his health sometimes is 'out of equilibrium' = imbalance
Things got worst when his other half (my mother) has been hospitalised for about 2 months now due to the popular silent killer, the Big C.
They have been 'separated' since then and due to her condition, they have not been meeting for about 2 weeks now.
Last weekend, I talked to him. Giving him assurance that she will be fine soon. Giving him high hopes that she will lead her normal life soon.
... and that he has to take good care of himself. He has to let go off his stress and whatever negative feelings inside him
... and that we are always there for him..
Even though we merely have only 3 of us after Azmin left us 10 years ago.
.... yes none of us would want to go thru the same experience when we lost Azmin. RIP, Azmin.. we have been missing you a lot... more than we can describe!

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I had a fever yesterday and went straight home. Told her that I cant be with her since I will be replacing Oya from Wed to Fri. Lil Amir is also having fever but is recovering. I took paracetamol and went to a deep sleep until at 10.00 pm when Ed rang me up.

He fell again and this time it was serious. In heavy rain with a bad headache I drove to see him.
There, he was lying in the main hall. Spoke to him. His hands were trembeling... enduring the pain.
He wanted me to massage his knee and side of the hip. In merely seconds, he asked me to stop. I bet it was the pain.

Few minutes after that, the ambulance arrived and it was a bit 'tough' to put him on the stretcher... I figured that he might fractured one of his bones.

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After a thorough check up and got himself x rayed, it was confirmed - hip fractured. He has lungs infection as well due to his flu. Surgery is the treatment. The latest is next week. There he is lying....
I see all this with a sobbing heart.

I am feeling numb at the moment....
Having 2 most important and beloved persons unwell at the same time...
Speechless...
Tried to act normal...
As normal as I can be...
...cracking jokes ...
Even though deep inside me...
I am soul searching...