The clock is ticking!

Dah lama betul tak update blog ni.

Masa mencemburui aku hahahahha puiiiii!!!!

Nnti ada plak yang cakap fb bole pulak update... Kan? Kan?

Ntah la rasanya aku akan ke sini bila aku rindu...

Rindu baca entri entri aku yang lepas..

Rindu kat arwah abah

Rindu kat arwah azmin..

But seriously speaking that is the fact.

I hv not been writing here for quite some time dah.... most of the entries were on what have been happening to me n my family,  losing someone close to my heart .... 

something sad something nostalgic

a place where i would go to fill the emptiness when missing the good old times ..

well perfectly something that i am able to read... one fine day as a pinch of my own definition of down memory lane.

At times reality is killing me inside...

Mak has not been well since for the past 2 months. It is all of a sudden. We were at joy and happiness when mak looked so cheerful. Took her for trips. The last trip that she had was when i sent oya to uitm Bertam. She was looking good and the trip was on da house! This was the best part....She paid for everything. 

She ate, she laughed, we took pictures, watched the sea waves hmmm tak tau la ombak ke apa kan?? Kat feringhi. She wanted to see all the kpg along the way at teluk bahang.  Rafiq aka saudagat unta took the other way to reach feringhi and yup she enjoyed it. While amir with his polaroid camera took pics of hers with oya. She complained that she looked charby when amir showed her the photos. She pleaded from amir to have at least one of the photos taken. But that kiddo being a lil' kiddo .. he declined her wish!

Well that was her last 2 months. All of a sudden she complained of an unbearable back pain. Cut it short, she was admitted to hukm. The doc said  sthg wrong with her spine due to aging and that she needed to undergo an operation asap just to ensure her nerves are not further injured. The day that she was supposed to be strolled to the OT, she was said to had cardiac arrest in silent. Thereafer it was a long medical procedures that she faced everyday.

She was released home without having the ops done. Her unstable conditions worry us a lot. There goes our days till now. I am panic whenever i received calls from Ed no matter day or night. Its always mak that occupies my mind.

Nowadays weekends are always about spending time with her. My routine would be assisting her to bath. She still want to do on her own. Shower her is a must thing to do. Powdered her..combing her hair. 

Deep in my heart i dont want to miss this opportunity. I dont want to let these times went off just like that. I dont want to envelope myself in regret if something happen. It can be any time. It can be mak... it can be me!

But being a human with all sorts of hats to be worn.. an employee,  a supervisor,  a wife, a mum, a friend and a lover i have my own issues..my ups and downs...

sometimes i have to  prioritize and at times the priority that i chose hurt me in side... a lot. At one side i want to appear cool. At the other side i am struggling..gasping for space to breathe. What ever it is balancing life and work nowadays is not an easy task. No joke!

I can say tht there will not be an equality i.e balance. Its either someone will be deprived today but will get back their rights no matter how anytime maybe tomorrow..maybe next week...or any time. In this scenario...the ones that have been deprived alot would be my baby lil kiddo amir and my beloved other half saudagar unta. All that i know that their love for me will never ever fade. I love them with all my heart..something that cannot be described and defined literally.

Amidst all these..i want to stay positive..always look at the brighter side..

Nurture the love between my siblings ...dah tinggal 3 org je pun incl me. Cant imagine life without any of them..without mak..nightmare mannn..

i just hope that...and hope and hope at times like this, i am able to think rationally and positively. 

Tired? Dont mention it. It determines your inner strength. The clock is tickin' ...anything can happen. All we have to do is to follow the flow..sabarrr..be positive..inculcate positives vibes and apa saja yang berlaku ada hikmahnya.

Kita hanya merancang tapi Allah yang tentukan!

A note to myself!!!