DepriVed and BalanCE

Its raining since 6am... and its Saturday... I should have compensated all my deprived sleeps...
But if I do that I foresee I will be deprived of some other things which I valued most in my life.

I treated Santana a well fed lunch yesterday. This fella seldom takes lunch. He always look forward to enjoy his 'happy hour' .. Since it was Friday and we had a long lunch, I forced him to go lunch with me and Nojah.

Chilis was the chosen place. I brought a long with me a document on an alleged claim to study while having lunch and a doc of Santana's...  Derrrr???? during lunch? On Friday? I must be out of my mind. But I was left with the only choice...So lets kill two birds with one stone. Eat and Work at the same time.

Chilis being Chilis, we had to wait about 20 mins before we were ushered to the dining table. Nojah was given the privilege to choose the food from the menu. I started to review the doc given to me. The moment i saw the first tagline... I laughed... and asked Santana... 'U didn't have enuf cuti is it for your deepavali' ... Being Santana... he didnt understand until i showed the spelling mistakes. We had a good laugh.... something that I have not been deprived of !!!!! hahahhahaha...laugh!!!! Putrajaya was spelt Putrayaya... I know he didnt do that on purpose... Sometimes we have so many things in our plate that incidentally caused such things to happen. No one's perfect.....

I wanted to go thru the other doc... with nearly RMxxxxx Mil alleged claims, but then came the food. So food first then... Nowadays works have to be done//settled in between lunch/bfast/ while waiting your turn to see the Boss. So time management is very crucial. I even had to climb the stairs from Level 14 to Level 20 just becoz the Boss summoned for me. Lost my breath ! Nasib bail tak pengsan.

'Ey the food here comes in big portion la... Now I am really full" ..I was glad that Santana enjoyed the food. With Santana, you can talk almost anything under the sky. Being a senior who have been serving the bank (loyalty counts) for many years, he is a man whom I looked for and upon for some precious advice in life...
He reads a lot and tell the truth sometimes I just asked him what's happening around the world, he relays and narrates everything to me. The only thing is that I dont know if he lies to me.... hahahahh... But being a man who regards honor, integrity and trust as the integral part of one's life, he failed to do that. and I dont think he even try to do that ... Sorry Santana...... hahahahahah!!!!

I offered him coffee after lunch... he refused. I asked him again " You want beer? or tequila or whatever la...." He laughed and laughed. Well.. I am most sincere when I am with him not affirming that I am insincere with others... but I am the real person (my true self) -even shared with him my sorrows, my happiness, my fear, my anger, my thoughts and even my goals.

While Nojah was busy finishing the food, he asked both of us a question " Are you the same person when you are at home" ... hallamak.... dia dah bersuara....!!!! hehehhehe..
He looked at me and that was actually a sign I have to say something...
My answer was this:

"Frankly, I missed my old days... but I know its due to the task that I have on my shoulder now.  Nowadays, sometimes when I reached home, Amir has fallen asleep and my husband is infront of the TV...not watching the TV I guess but wondering when will I arrive home...safe ... in one piece..."

Nojah stopped eating and looked at me.

" Sometimes I think my other half didnt consider at all my situation now... he knows that I leave home as early as 645 am and reach home late than before. At the office, I am grilled to my bone ...have to think, manage, monitor, see the bosses, ups and downs... these are all drying my energy.... When I reach home all I wanna do is to rest. My hubby will then requested me to assist him to do some of his office stuff  ...and that means I am still working when I reach home...'

"This is very tiring. But I never verbalised what I have in mind to my other half. I keep it at the very corner of my heart."  I told Santana n Nojah... I feel bad... I feel I have neglected both the Contractor (my other half) an the Commando (amir). That's why I never said what's inside my heart out loud. I am trying to balance things in life. I know the works now is very demanding... and I am now spending more time at the office. I know what ever it takes, I have to find time for both of them especially Amir who is only 6 and needs my attention."

Santana said "that shows you dried your energy at the office too much... and he did give a piece of advice that forced me to think, evaluate and evaluate ..

Here's what he said - don't love the B...k... love your job!
The B..k will not sacrifice for you.
Your family must comes first.
Yes your job is important but you have to try to balance. Try to be at home at least early. Plan your work.. delegate...


I believe we have to balance..
But I am no superwoman ..
Some one has to sacrifice...
Be it time or money...
At this moment I am trying my best..
Family is still the priority..
Work is still the current focus

Whatever it is, I thank ALLAH for what HE has given me...

I just hope I will be given the strength and never ending energy to go through this ..

Not so IT savvy

Installed this blogspot apps in my mobile.
and written a post on Freedom this morning.
Walawey....tried to upload the entry..
But the post went missing.
It didn't find its way to get published!

Can't rewrite though as the idea came at a spur of moment.
Have to wait for the ilham maaa...
Dont know when ..
where... and how...

So what did I do?
This so called IT savvy confidently uninstalled the apps and reinstalled it again.
Funny eh? Not so sure whether this is the right move..
But worth trying though..
... at least I know it didn't work.

Will try to post something tomorrow via this apps.
Let's see what happen..
And whether I have to do other IT savvy acts or unplanned misfits..of IT!!!

- Adios peeps!-

PlaNNing

This is the single word that I have uttered couple of times today...
Wait... not couple of times... but most of the times...to be exact ...  nothing works until you do as per planned.. of coz a proper planning!

I was a bit (not a bit actually...) disturbed of what happened within the division.
Failure to plan is actually plan to fail... have you heard that before...
Its damn true...

Or if I may add not only plan to fail but also simply putting your 'neck' at stake!
That sounds terrible right?

But it is a good lesson to some people if they see the insights of proper planning.
I am a so so organized person.. or in other words not so organized lah..
But at the rate that I am going now, I cant afford to have that so so attitude of mine reflect my failure to plan.
On a different note, I can't do that alone.
Need the people surrounding to also be more sensitive towards their surrounding..
By now we should have felt the negative vibes...

The key word perhaps is commitment ......
....to be tagged along with responsibility... coupled with proactive..
That equals to a so called perfect human being right? Cruel I am?
Who cares anyway...
Its our turf..


Avoiding to say "I should haves" ...
That implies regret...
That infers unsatisfactorily feelings for not achieving something.
So O ye people... lets move it..
Its time to be on our feet again!

At the end of the day ...Either you take it or leave it.
That sounds definite..
... at the moment!!

OwNerShip

For these past few days I have been thinking about sense of ownership.
You guys have this? or is it merely a noun? (if its a noun lah!)

I have been asking myself do I have that as well...
To certain extend perhaps I do.
But its in depth might varies accordingly ... depending on timing, situation and position.

I think mine is not ownership. Perhaps it is more on responsibility.
Not to brag, but when its required, I did settle most of my tasks at home, late nights maybe.
Not at the office la... Am known to be someone who is very penakut... so don't expect me to stay back late at the office..
I hate procrastination..
Ermmm I think that's the best to describe my sense of ownership.

Some people said I am a panicky. Well to certain extend yes... but of coz you are panic if things are not to your expectation or not done according to specifications or not within the time line.
Because that people will not be answerable. Its me ... so panic is my middle name eh? Not for me to decide... depends ... I am just doing my job and I am so wanting my job to be closed to perfect ... if its not perfect.

On a different note, I know my limits. Being in this working industry for years have justified me with some tactics on when to lay low profile and play truant... and when to be on my feet so that when questioned by the sovereigns, everything is at my finger tips.

But its quite a mess if some people is not either one. Yeah its a challenge. That challenge has been a while....
It is frustrating....
No joke..
I am...

We MadE iT ThroUGH!!

Hey peeps!

I'm celebrating my 16th years of anniversary today. What's so good about that? I'm bragging?
No lah....

To me or rather to both of us (hubby and me), this is another victory of ours...Well not that difficult though to ruin a marriage institution... but its very very damn difficult to make it works for the 16th years...
i wonder how those people before us especially my parents ... to face, go through and overcome problems, differences and etc in marriage... Its not that God must love them so much... but it would rather they must love each other so much I guess...

Love to me frankly, at the age of our marriage now is perhaps secondary. But its still the integral part of a marriage institution. At 16 years of marriage, responsibility comes first. Love is actually shading the responsibility... It takes love to do anything in marriage. But to certain phase of marriage (like mine), its love that makes you want to be responsible, its love that pushes you to take full charge and care for your family.. it takes love to get you going...

On a surface... yeah i know its easier said than done. But its a hell lots of hard work, sacrifices, give and take, understanding and accept your other half just the way he/she is. I have to admit there are weaknesses of each other that each and every couple should accept with open hearts. We are not perfect. Instead we should be completing each other.

Writing like a marriage counselor huh? No.. lahh... This is based on my own experience. If I were to follow my 'young heart', I won't be celebrating my 16th years anniversary... I won't appreciate these 16 challenging years with my other half.  Why? I still believe marriage is a taboo. Its still a sacred institution. You have to know yourself first in order to understand your other half. Not an easy task. I cried, I laughed, I had twisted emotions, i had mixed feelings... and yes i suffered... inside....

But who cares... I still have my hubby around ... for the love, for the care and for the shelter...
My other half, by the name of Md Rafiq Md Nordin - thank you is the best suited word that I can say at the very moment. Thank you for the 16 years... sharing all the love, responsibility, laughter, happiness moments together...

For all those moments that are not mentioned here are for both of us to look back, learn and improve ourselves.
Wooohoooooooo.... we made it through... Looking forward for more exciting years with you!
Happy Anniversary My Love!

NEed A BreAK

Looking forward for a break. Really need them.....

On the other hand.... tasks are increasing...
Positively adopt and adapt these as challenges...

On a positive note ..it builds not merely courage..but also confidence...defeats the weak and develops the strong...

Its mind blogging to realise tht ppl come and go. But the decision isn't mine... like it or not life has to go on. Still believe tht no one is indispensible...

Good luck to me... goodbyes to those who left n leaving soon. Each n everyone of u has touched my life in a very unique manner... n has thought me ..whatever happen u should believe in yourself. U (yourself) r capable to overcome ...come what may... its the determination that counts!

Happy Diwali everyone !

LiFe is SO IndeFInite

Its been a while now. Mum has been frequenting the hospital for her regular check ups. Again, we were caught by surprise last month when the doc detected another lump. But this time round mum was so determined, strong willed without a single tear.. Dad, as usual looked so worried. As for 3 of us, we accepted the news with an open heart. Told mum, not to think so much on what she's facing... all she has to do is to be calm, relax and think positive. I said that with so positive voice.. without realizing i was crying inside. But deep in my heart, I know she will be fine.

Two weeks after that news, we were blessed with another related news. I actually demanded the doc to refer to Prof Fuad for a second opinion. Mum called from the hospital. With a very positive tone she relayed the opinion given by her oncologist. The lump is too small... can be found in each and everyone of us. No need to do any RT or chemo. But mum still has to go for her check ups as usual in case the benign becomes malign. At 71 now, all we want to see is she continues her life for another (the least) 10 good years! As for Dad, being a person who was once very strong physically and mentally, at 75 now, I can see that he is trying his best to become the old him...but he could not...His condition is hurdling him...his age is a factor that cant be set aside...but what ever happen, this unsung hero is still the only HERO in our hearts...
May HE bestows and grants both of them [mum and dad] the ever lasting happiness...good health and continuous determination to go through the indefinite  minutes, hours and days ... until the end of the life chapter... INSYA ALLAH.