Sunday, November 2, 2014

And It CoNtINuES !

Life has been so hectic nowadays... till at times i didnt notice that i didnt miss him a lot! Is that a sin or what?

But when it hits me... it can hit me anytime. I can just cry and the tears will continue dropping ... and it can be anytime... while watching tv, while in the midst of meeting... the fact is i miss him like more than crazy can describe..

Went to visit mum yesterday. She is looking good n great. I hope its not a false misrepresentation of hers. Talked to her... kissed her...gave her hugs that i seldom did before.... yup i guess she is a woman of steel heart. Ed my brother has moved in to stay together with mum. No words can describe how i feel towards Ed' s sacrifice.

I miss u ... i went to your room again yesterday. Open your closet and breathed... u r there... your smell ...i touched your shirts.. your robes especially... the your smell is still freshhhh.

Mum gave me your sarong and robe yesterday. I hug that sarong last nite as if praying that God will permit me dreaming of u. But it didnt come true...i wonder why... i wonder when....

And that missing u continues to be part of my daily routine.. as long as i live...

Friday, October 10, 2014

ConFUSE

Have u been in a state of confusion?
Its frustrating as you do not know where your stand is. Or u might know your stand but some other third party keep on confusing you..
Sighhhhh...

Anyways.. whatever it is i.am.just being me and myself. People can chew me in or spit me out... but there is this part of me that no one can ever challenge ... its my dignity!

So long peeps!

Friday, October 3, 2014

RinDu yAnG tAk BerpenGhUjUnG

It has been 4 days since you left us abah. Makin hari makin terasa..
I am just worry about mak. She has been so strong since u were first admitted. But i think you know her better.. she is crying badly inside.  She is just hiding the sorrow ... the emptiness deep down inside her heart.

Imagine.. 50 years sharing life together... it cant be shut down just like that..in a blink of an eye..
I truly feel her...but i know the missing feeling that i have towards you is nothing compared to hers.

I saw her crying yesterday just after she finished her zuhr prayer as she walked out the prayer room. I was so touched.. i hugged her and calmed her down. At the same time i was trying to control my  shattering emotions.

Why you have been badly missed abah?

You went too soon. Yes ..it was fated. Its qada n qadr. You were admitted at 11.30pm, 29 sept 2014. The following day you were sedated and pushed to ICU. Your body didnt response to the meds given by the docs. 4 meds were injected to your body at one go. On 1 Oct 2014, i sneeked to recite yaasin for you. The staff nurse didnt allow me to do so. But i bagged her only for a while. I kissed your cheek. I rubbed your forehead. I kissed your hands. I touched your feet. Sighhhhhh... you were so cold at that time. But your face was at peace.

You left us at 3.15pm on the very day, an hour after i recited yaasin for you. I didnt know what to say or what to feel when Jo called and informed me " Abah dah takde". There was a vibration in his voice. Mak was so calm.. she has the heart of steel.

Resting your body in peace was not a hassle at all abah. Everything went so smooth. As per your request all was done on the same day. To fulfill mak's request.. we had the last prayer  at home.

Know what... many of our relatives were unintentionally deprived of saying the final goodbye to you. But we couldnt help it.

Everything happened too fast. Your unwellness.. your admission and your leaving us for good... it happened too fast abah...

If i were an angel and given a magic stick, how i wish if i could turn back the clock...

May you rest in peace....
Finally, you have joined Azmin....
Till we meet again abah...
We miss you
We love you
You are always the Hero in our hearts..




Wednesday, October 1, 2014

DejAvU

Saat aku menulis entri ni  keadaan abah masih kritikal.. dalan ICU. Dah dua kali aku jenguk dia dalam ICU semalam. Harini aku tak sempat pergi lagi. Temankan mak yang sorang kat rumah. Dah dua malam aku tidur temankan mak kat umah dia. Bila abah takde rasa sunyi plak kat umah tu. Ye lah dulu masa kecik kecik kitorang 4 beradik rasa  macam kecik je umah ni. Bila dah kerja abah ngn mak besarkan rumah. So aku dapat la merasa dapat bilik aku sendiri...yang lain tu kenalah share. Bukan la aku ni anak emas..tp disbbkan sorang je perempuan.. so adatlah kan. Takkan lah nak share ngan abang dan adik2 aku pulak. Huh!!

Bila masing masing dah kawin umah ni masih lagi nampak serinya sebab anak buah aku Oya tinggal ngan abah n mak. Lepas arwah Azmin (abang sulung aku ) meninggal makin hari makin sayu aku tgk umah ni... sebab mungkin dah kurang lepas satu satu ahlinya.

Semalam masa tidur ngan mak..dah nak subuh camtu mak mengigau. Aku yg tak lena tido semenjak dua menjak ni kejutkan mak. Migraine aku semenjak abah masuk hospital tak baik baik. Malam tadi aku telan gak sinflex sbb aku dah tak tahan. Kesian aku tengok mak. Aku tau mak cekal dan tabah tapi... ye lah suami dia..kesedihan tu memang nampak from every part of her.

Semalam masa kat luar wad ICU mak kata bulan okt ni harijadi abah yang ke 78. Diam tak diam dah 50 tahun mak hidup ngan abah. Aku salute kat mak ngan abah. Bukan aku kata diorang ni couple yang loving but they are a perfect combo. I can say that theirs are those of a classic marriage. They cry, they laugh, they quarrel and they love each other ... but still they maintain the institution and live life to the fullest!

I just dont know whats wrong with abah lately. Dah almost 2 months dia takde selera nak makan. Puaslah mak dan anak menantu masak mcm mcm. Tapi selera dia masih takde. Bawak pergi check doc kata takde apa apa.  Sampailah dua hari lepas bila mak kata dia komplen sakit perut. Petang Isnin aku sempat jenguk kejap sebelum balik umah. Nampak abah tak banyak cakap. Semenjak abah dah on wheel chair ni pun dia jarang bercakap jugaklah. Aku tya abah ok ke. Dia angguk je tapi tak pandang pun muka aku. Pastu aku tgk dia masuk bilik air. Pembantu mak aku tolak dia ke bilik air.

Mulanya aku ingat abah sakit perut biasa. Ed yg hntr abah kat emergency wad. At least doc buat thorough check up. Mlm tu aku ambik mak ddk umah aku sementara tunggu abah balik. Dalam kul 11.30 mlm aku cakap kat mak jomlah balik. Aku temankan mak. Esok aku terus gi keje dr rumah mak.

Aku tengah meeting bila Jo hntr msg. Suh aku balik sbb tetiba abah sesak nafas n doc tk dpt reading bp dia. Aku takleh nk kluar mtg sbb aku yg chair the mtg. Makin lama msg jo makin serius. I ended the mtg on time and lepas informed madame..aku terus chiow. Aku sempat dengar  madame jerit kat aku drive carefully.

Sepanjang jln minda aku kosong. Aku rasa mcm jiwa aku melayang.
Aku teringat masa arwah Azmin mrninggal dulu...macam ni lah aku drive sesorang. Nk sampai umah.. aku call ed..tya mak dah tau ke condition abah. Ed kata mak tak tau lagi. dahhhh aku kena bagi tau mak plak.

Aku tukar baju terus gi umah mak. Mr H tak keje so dia drive. Aku citer tak byk ngn mak sbb tknk dia risau. Sampai hospital ... there he is... the hero of my life... hancur luluh rasanya tgk abah camtu. Tiub and wire kat mulut...kat  badan...

Doc panggil aku adik bradik ngn mak and explained on his condition. He is vry critical kata doc. Nk buat emergency ops. Abah was sedated and put to sleep.
Ptg tu doc kata his condition is not stable to peform ops. So kena masuk ICU. Sblm tu aku sempat cium pipi abah...cium tangan abah.. deep in my heart janganlah ni jadi ciuman or pelukan last aku kat abah. Sampai sekarang aku masih terbau bau abah. Sedih bercampur dengan harapan supaya abah ada semangat nak lawan.

Lama aku nk tgu abah kena transfer to ICU. Tak sedap hati aku naik balik ke katil abah. Masa tu kali kedua aku rasa perasaan aku disiat siat sbb tgk doc cucuk sana sini.. masuk tiub dalm mulut abah..mata aku berpinar pinar tgk diorang buat abah camtu. Aku rasa doc tu perasan aku ada ..pastu dia tarik tirai tak bagi aku tgk. Lps tu aku terus turun. Aku ckp diorang tgh buat ultra sound and n xray skali lagi.. tp apa yg jadi dpn mata aku tadi masih terbayang2.

Lps maghrib aku ambik mak n pergi ke wad icu sbb Jo kt doc dah jumpa dia.

His condition is deteriorating actually. Internal organs hv bn affected. No ops can be done if his condition is like now. Mak hss bn very positive... i think she is strong and yes she is !

I am praying hard... very hard.
My brothers are super cool.
Me? I am super duper sensitive.
I just want this to end..no matter how.

This is a dejavu!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

LIfe

Dah 3 hari aku kat KB ni. Tiap tiap bulan aku camni. Satu bulan kena visit dua state. Orang kata jauh perjalanan luas pemandangan. Betul lah tu. Tapi 'pemandangan' tu terlampau 'luas' ertinya. Terlalu subjektif untuk didefinisikan.

Selalunya kalau out station aku akan bawak Amir ngan Mr H. Tapi bergantung jugak lah pada masa dan tempat. Kalau kebetulan cuti sekolah aku akan angkut Amir ngan Mr H sekali lah. Orang kata sambil menyelam minum air.. so sambil bekerja tu aku anggap keje tu sebagai holiday jugak lah. Amir selalu gak ikut event yang around KL. Ramai la rakan pejabat yang kenal si kenit Mujibul ni. Lagi pun dia suka menyakat Nuja dan Yin. Bila dah bawak dia ngan Mr H kat tempat kerja aku..diorang tau la dengan saper aku kerja dan macamana aku kerja.

Aku rasa last skali aku bawak Amir ngn Mr H masa event SSP kat Penang. Lepas tu dah takde sangat sebab amir sekolah dan selalunya aku pergi dari hari khamis lagi. Tak nak la dia ponteng sekolah hanya disebabkan nak senangkan aku. So selalunya duty duty uruskan hal amir ni memang la terletak di batu jemala Mr H aku. Ok la aku rasa so far Mr H plays his role up to my standard. Cuma bab bab nak basuh baju ngan iron baju tu.. juara bertahannya masih aku lagi lah.  Kalau itu pun Mr H dah take over kurang plak fungsi suri rumah tangga aku... hahhahah.

So ada org ingat bila keje outstation menyeronokkan. Well memang tak dinafikan lah. Memang best. Tapi penatnya diri sendiri lah yang tanggung. Nak buat camner..dah keje kan. Kalau bujang kuranglah sikit tanggungjawabnya. Kalau yg dah kawin ..pastu takde maid.. tu diaaa.. balik aje out station terus tukar uniform.. change 'hat'. When u r at home u r the queen of the house and automatically u r expected to perform your duties diligently.

Ni...kat KB ni dah 3 hari. Tiap2 malam aku call Mujibul dan Mr H. .. just to check as to whether they have taken their bfast.. meal...
Guilty I am... sbb kena leave them like that. But it is a blessing to have someone like Mr H who will ensure basic things are supervised efficiently while m not around.

Tapi bila aku balik umah from out station siaplahhhh.... byk pesanan penaja dan upah yang terpaksa aku jelaskan. Nak buat camner.. a duty is still a duty. Right?

Aku tak pasti sampai bila kerja aku camni... selalu travel.. walaupun most of the times dalam negeri je tapi kalau dalam sebulan 2 ke 3 kali mau lunyai gak badan. Kalau aku drive hmmmmhhh lagi lunyai la jawabnya. Tapi disebabkan aku tak kisah dan suka apa yg aku buat ni... follow the flow je. Lagipun ini yang buatkan minda aku selalu bekerja..meeting new people... learning new things... those are part and parcel of my tasks.

...and i believe that 's life..and it applies to each and everyone of us.
If u dont like or enjoy your work..how can u enjoy your life? Furthermore life is short..live life to the fullest peeps!

So long!!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

A DeDICatiON

Nak try tulis in bahasa ni.
Dah lama tak buat... kang ada orang kata aku ni poyo tak reti nak mendaulatkan bahasa ibunda sendiri.

Bukan taknak... dulu aku tulis dalam bahasa pun sama laju je aku tulis dalam bahasa omputeh tu. Tapi bila dah keje kebanyakkan masa aku cakap bahasa omputeh. So terbawak bawak lah. Lupa diri jugak tapi kat umah aku cakap melayu lah. Walaupun selalu gak tersasul ngan anak dan Mr H. Tapi diorang macam cool aje.

So sementara tunggu mak punya giliran jumpa doktor dipanggil aku rasa macam nak cuba tulis lah..apa apa citer yang terlintas depan mata aku.

Masa dah ambik no giliran, mak nak pergi toilet. Aku pun dengan rasa penuh kasih sayang menolak kerusi roda mak ke hujung bangunan. Dah gi toilet aku pulak lapar.  Singgah pulak kantin Hukm ni. Hmmh banyak makanan yang dijual. Aku ambik kuih ngan sandwich utk mak. By the way sandwich in bahasa apa eh? Hahhaha poyo!

On the way ke klinik surgeri aku terserempak ngan kak leha sedara sebelah abah. Dia macam tak kenal aku sbb mungkin dia tgk aku macam budak sekolah menengah. Hahhaha! Tapi bila aku juih kan mulut aku kat mak... baru dia perasan. Huh! Nampak sangat aku ni muda ! Macam macam pulak kak leha bercerita ngn mak kat tengah tengah jalan tu. Macam ada kaunter pertanyaan. Aku puaslah gerak gerakkan kerusi roda mak bagi signal..."dah dah lah tu... nak pegi klinik dah ni... kang lambat pulak". Signal kali ketiga baru menjadi. Aishhhhh... tu la orang perempuan..kalau dah jumpa ada aje ceritanya. Aku pun pasang telinga gak dengar. Kak leha kata anak sedara dia dah bersalin .. oh... kisahnya!

Now aku tengah tunggu giliran mak dipanggil. Kali ni nak buat check up colon mak. Dulu ada side effect lepas buat radioterapi. Aku, kalau masuk bab cerita pasal mak.ni mesti mengimbau kenangan 2 tahun lepas kat hukm ni. Masa mula mula mak di diagnose ada barah pangkal rahim. Macam macam perasaan ada masa tu. Kalau boleh taknak lalu lagi keadaan tu. Satu famili aku tunggang langgang sbb nak sesuaikan keadaan dgn kondisi mak. Pastu lagi Allah nak duga..abah pulak jatuh. Dua dua dalam hospital. So aku adik beradik macam zombi kadang kadang terkejar sana sini. Tapi aku nak salute kat adik adik aku lah sbb diorang ni kira strong. Aku aje yang tangkap leleh bila jaga mak ngan abah. Mr H, adik adik ipar pun banyak bantu... dari segi masa dan tolong tengok tengokkan anak aku yang ke sekolah. Mr H aku pun banyak berkorban..sbb banyak hari aku duduk hospital.jaga mak ngn abah. So dia kena uruskan anak dan tido sorang. ... hehhee..

Tadi aku tersilap klinik. Aku ingat jumpa ngan prof fuad kat wad onkologi. Tapi rupanya kat surgeri. Sampai aje aku kat klinik ni tadi aku disapa oleh sorang uncle  cina ni. Dia terus tolong masukkan kad mak dalam kotak. Aku bukan tak biasa.buat tu. Tapi agaknya dia tengok aku terkial kial tolak mak..so dia pun tolong. Tq uncle aku cakap kat dia. Pastu dia tanya aku " harini awak tak pergi skolah ka?" Aku terkedu kejap. Aku kata kat dia aku  dah keje... aku dah habis skolah. Lepas tu dia gelak... "ohhhh"... katanya. Korang yang baca ni pun kena tipu. Mana ada uncle tu cakap apa apa ngan aku. Dia cuma tolong aku je. Hahahhahahahhaha !!!! Tapi bab bab orang kata aku muda ni... dah biasa... jangan jealous hokayyyy.

Sekarang baru no 8. No giliran mak 20. Lagi 12 orang. Hmmmh tunggu je lah.

Aku rasa lepas ni mesti mak nak ajak aku beli nasi kandar sbb abah suka  makan. Aku tak berapa suka sebab aku tak suka nasi dan lauk yang kari sekari karinya. Bau kari kat tangan melekat sampai malam. Omputeh kata not my taste. Kalau makan pun aku letak kari tu setengah sudu je. Hahahha. Tapi mesti ambik lauk ketam. Phewwww... nak citer sikit ni. Semalam lepas mtg, aku ngan nuja gi makan ketam. Orang belanja. Mak aiiii memang la sedap. Syukur Allah masih bagi deria untuk merasa makanan yang sedap utk aku nikmati. Aku balik pun dah pukul 9.malam... tapau je untuk Mr H.

Masa nak sampai, aku call rumah. Seperti biasa panggilan aku dijawab oleh amir. Dia cakap ala ala orang bangla jual karpet pulak bila aku suh cakap ngan Mr H.untuk alihkan kereta dia. Ish budak ni terlampau banyak tengok rajalawak. Aku pun kadang kadang panggil.dia "mujibul" hahahahha. Sometimes he just made my day!.

Malam tadi kul 10 lebih aku dah terlena sebab malam semalam aku tak cukup tido. Masuk office semalam nuja tanya kenapa mata aku kecik. Sah aku tak cukup tido. Pastu masa mtg pun berkali kali aku menguap. 

Hari sabtu aritu aku dikejutkan dengan pemergian pak tam ke pangkuan Ilahi. Memang mengejutkan sebab tak sangka pak tam pergi macam tu je. Pak tam adalah Mr H punya bapak saudara. Sepanjang hayatnya pak tam ni memang kelakar dan dalam kelakar ada mesej yang dia sampaikan. Aku aku akan rindukan pak tam sebab walaupun aku bukan anak saudara dia.. tapi aku suka berbual dgn dia. Cara dia yang selamba dan direct to the point memang aku suka. Kadang kadang aku pun kena perli dalam dia melucu. Tapi aku tau dia memberi nasihat sebenarnya. Pak tam, im gonna miss u! Semoga pak tam tenang di sana. Utk mak tam.. semoga sentiasa tabah dan kuat. Allah hanya menduga hambanya yang kuat!  Aishhhh tetiba aku sedih plak. Sah aku ni memang senang tangkap leleh.

Ok. Aku rasa aku nak stop dulu. Lain kali aku sambung dengan topik yang lain.

Aku rasa aku dah macam dapat mood nak tulis dalam bahasa malaysia. Tapi kena polish la supaya bahasa dan nahu tu betul kan? Apa yang aku tulis arini rojak... tapi aku tulis dari hati.

Penat menaip kat phone niaaa.
Nanti kita jumpa lagi.
Ok?

Aku rasa dah tak berapa poyo!

Salam!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

I am HeRe

As i am typing this entry, i feel so sleepy and at ghe same time craving for something  to eat.
This KLIA is beginning to be mushrooming with people...
Can feel the hustle bustle is hyping.

I am sitting at a corner near the entrance waiting for Nuja. Trying go do some reading.. got distracted each moment... simply cant concentrate.

I dont know what am i thinking.. feel empty...hollow n shallow. ... and simultaneously i keep on yawning...

Ok fullstop!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

BalaNce of EMOTionS


I am not sure why I would like to write on this. Perhaps lately I am playing with my own emotions? or maybe we, Malaysians have portrayed to the community across the globe that we are a caring nation especially when it involves the sad tragedy of MH17.. .. I can go on and on about this...

Actually, I called a friend this morning as I wanted to get some feedback on certain matters that involve my work. He was late in replying. Thinking that it was a public holiday I didnt want to harass him even though that would be my normal and exact reaction....

I was taken aback when he replied.. sorry for the late reply, I am in the hospital. Dah... apa plak kena ngan mamat ni.. I texted him and out of courtesy asked whether or not he is ok. His reply was... 'It was my father... he is in CCU. Now being stabilized. Tq for asking". At a sudden I am speechless but I was glad that I asked. At least a small tiny weight of burden has been uplifted from his shoulder... How do I know? Well.. I have been in that situation before. A simple 'how are you" made my day!! Seriously that would spark a little motivational inside me and I could chin up a bit. Nithi.. I hope your dad will be okay. Just hang on there!

When you are in that kinda situation.. you wouldnt want to shatter your confidence and you are actually absorbing all the vibes around you be it positive and negative. Your emotions are fragile and a small misunderstanding may lead to an unnecessary arguments. That was why when my brothers and I were in that situation we would talked on anything else except the predicament that we were facing at that time. Relatives and friends should play a significant role not to provoke or invoke any matter or issue that would lead to dissatisfaction. In our situation, there were couple of relatives who were so POYO and passed unacceptable remarks. But luckily we were always together (my brothers and myself) and we were sending positive vibes among ourselves via our conversations and observations. It was telepheutic I guess.

See its not easy to balance our emotions. We have to be alert... not to give in to our emotions. Well... it is okay to cry and cry out loud... this is another means of releasing the tense inside you... the frightening moments... the unsure feelings.... But we could not keep on mourning and be saddened with what happened without giving ourselves chances to look up and see things differently. There is always blessings in disguise. Ada hikmah ke atas setiap yang berlaku ke atas kita semua. Agree with me?

So we can actually balance and control our emotions. Emotions are natural. Emotions mean no harm. But manage our emotions...

What I normally did when I was hit by en emotional storm ... first avoid myself from the social media platform as perhaps I have this tendency to pen down my frustrations, sorrow etc. If  I were to update my status negatively, I am exposing my emotions to others. What if people interpret things differently?

Rambut aje sama hitam, tapi dalam hati.. Subhanallah hanya Allah yang mengetahui.  When misinterpretation was done and not being rectified.. there will of coz be perhaps commotion, people got hurt etc..
We never know...

So, this is where I release what's inside me.... my hardship... my frustration... my jubilation..my experience... in a positive way. Here is the station and the full stop... until one FINE day I will come and revisit the moments documented herein.. i will be a satisfied person that I have control my emotions in a sober manner. Becoz at the end of the day, it teaches you to see things differently and positively.

So long !

KeJe yang TaK SUDaH

I have been in front of my lappy since yesterday.. trying very hard to finish a couple of papers that need to be submitted to the BOss.

Last nite, managed to settle half of them. and now trying to pukul habis... kasi selesai. I am finishing...yuhooo.. But the damage done was that..I was deprived of a good sleep and this morning had a terrible headache. But I have to say this.. that is the price of procrastination... Tu dia hambek kauuu... Tangguh keje lagiii...

Counting days to end of the year I have a few big events to handle...with one is just around the corner. An international CEO forum ... Malaysia is hosting and more than 70 countries are participating.. Went for  meeting yesterday... the hotel was in the state of confusion... Hahahah me too! But since green light has been given to me to chair the meeting and ensure that all relevant banks commit to whatever tasks that they have been given, I am putting high hopes that things will be just fine... just FINE!!! (even though I feel the drums beating... my heart actually... hahahah).

And as usual pitching presentations, interviews, hi tea with one media company on their proposals,  lunch appointment with a favorite Boss of mine *wink*wink are happening tomorrow. I am not sure which one should I attend or focus. That would definitely exclude BOSS's adhoc summons... especially on the budget for next year.

Now... come to think again. I am not procrastinating a.k.a menagguhkan kerja... Looks like the kerja is plenty on my plate... hahahahah...memang tak sudah keje aku jawabnya...
But Arida Fokus... fokus... i Know I will be FINE... a.k.a OK and not diDENDA!

Chiow!

My 2 cents worth (May 2014)




Hello there peeps and Salam to all..

So how’s life been treatin’ all of you guys? Guess everything is under controlled and manageable as well as negotiable.. Lol!!

I have been thinking what to pen down in this issue… too many things to write but too limited time to do so… sounds like I am finding a valid excuse eh? Yeah I know when you are fond of something… no matter what kind of hindrance that welcome you will be approached and overcome without any difficulty.. and at the end of the day you will ‘find’ that time…. A good spank to myself!

Well perhaps that would be the topic that I will write. Something light and a fact that we face in our daily life… that we fail or inadvertently neglect to prioritize. In other words… this is what we call Procrastinate. In a simple layman term it means delaying, putting things off, postponing something that needs to be done, etc. That sounds familiar right? It happens to me all the time. And yes I will try to find thousand and one excuses to validate my procrastination which in the end will make me ‘suffer’ as I have tons on my plate that need attention or due for delivery!
Being a ‘procrastinator’ myself, I believe I am not qualified to advice on tips to beat procrastination. Yup I did read some information on the net on how to avoid procrastination … the so called perfect mechanism, time management, tips and advices are spelt out everywhere. Those are actually strategies and means of avoiding. But I think the root of the problem is ‘attitude’. 

Quoting Zig Ziglar – “It is your attitude, not your aptitude, that determines your altitude.” In a simple language it means: your success in life (altitude) is determined more by your desire to succeed (attitude) than by your natural talents (aptitude). That makes sense right? Attitude is everything as it rules the way you perceive world and the world perceives you.

Semuanya bermula dari sikap yang ada dalam diri kita. Sikap menentukan segala-galanya. Sikap yang positif dan konsisten pasti akan menjadikan kita sebagai seorang insan yang menjana kejayaan demi kejayaan walaupun terpaksa mengharungi segala ranjau berduri yang menanti di hadapan. Sikap juga menentukan kejayaan seseorang menempuh segala cabaran walaupun mengalami kegagalan pada awalnya.

Well peeps… my 2cents – the loudest and influential voice you hear are your own inner voice. It can work for or against you. It can be optimistic or pessimistic. It can put you down or cheer you on. You control the sender and the receiver, but only if you consciously take responsibility for and control over your inner conversation.

So chin up peeps! Do your best in whatever you do. You will never regret.
By the way.. .. Today, 11 May 2014 is Mother’s Day. To all mothers out there, this message is specially dedicated to you. – “You are the truest friend. Come what may, when trials are heavy and sudden, when trouble thickens around us, you are there and cause peace returns to our hearts”.

To friends who have lost their mothers… May Allah grant our mothers Aljannatul Firdaus… and Rest In Peace.











My 2 cents April 2014





Hello peeps!

Do you guys speculate? No? Yes? Maybe? … J Something that I chose to write in this month Bulletin.
Speculate is something that we, people tend to do or love to do. As it has been part of our daily life we sometimes failed to differentiate between doing it intentionally or unintentionally.

A good example of speculating is narrating a story that we heard from someone, perhaps our colleague on something. Of coz, we won’t realize if we have unintentionally or intentionally add more flavors in the story via our face expressions, hand and body gestures and even husky or high pitchy voices. So the original story has been added with herbs and spices to make it even tastier !!!

Let’s talk about what has been happening in the Bank. The latest issue was on the options given to all staff i.e. Bonus or Gratuity. Before the bank wide exercise was implemented to opt our preference, people have been speculating that the Bank’s decisive option would be on ‘Bonus’. It has been well spread via FBs, word of mouth, etc before the Bank/management come to the conclusion. See how speculation can become viral and suppress the truth.

[Being fair to all parties, I would like to think that the chain letter that exists and has been in practice in the Bank for quite some time is not another form of speculating BUT perhaps another communication medium to relay/narrate dissatisfaction. But this dissatisfaction should be done in a proper manner and whoever involved should face it with an open mind for the benefit of all parties; be it the staff and the management].

In a wider aspect, closer to home, no doubt everyone has been speculating on the missing of MH370. Social media (as a borderless platform of information as it qualified!) has been playing a main role play in this crisis. With all the online info which accuracy is easily compromised with, some of us speculate based on indefinite stories and information. Yes… we all can see all sorts of stories available online but are all these the truth or merely speculation??? We speculate like nobody business; putting aside the feelings of the victims/the relatives of the victims. Aren’t we selfish for that matter? Well… this is not about we Malaysians but it happens across the globe.

Being human, we cannot run way from not speculating. Even in tradable market shares such as stocks, bonds, currencies, commodity futures etc there is an element of speculation. But in this context speculation ( as per quoted in Wikipedia) is totally different as it involves attempts to  profit from short or medium term fluctuations in the market value of tradable good rather than attempting to profit from the underlying financial attributes embodied in the instrument such as capital gains, interest, or dividends.

The role of speculators is to absorb excess risk that other participants do not want, and to provide liquidity in the marketplace by buying or selling when no participants from the other categories are available. Successful speculation entails collecting an adequate level of monetary compensation in return for providing immediate liquidity and assuming additional risk so that, over time, the inevitable losses are offset by larger profits.
Now banking on the above definition, how is that to be at par with what we have been speculating internally in the Bank? Who gains the profit? None of us right?

So peeps, my 2 cents worth, let’s unite. I truly understand that this cannot be happened in a day like a saying Rome wasn’t built in a day! (Yes I think I am being too perfectionist) but hey… give it a try peeps. Civil Unity and Religious integrity will keep us as ONE and will not leave us DIVIDED. A challenge for us  though….   

My 2 cents (published in Bulletin Feb 2014)




Salam Peeps!

It was 6.45am in a cool  Wednesday morning , 12 Feb 2014,  when I received a whatsapp message from a colleague informing that someone whom I’ve known for a couple of years during my tenure with the Bank has left us… for good. While driving, the only word that I could utter was “Innalillahi Waiina rojiun… May You Rest in Peace Sis”.

Losing someone close to your heart is very disheartening… I believe every one of us will experience such a moment a couple of times in our lives. Even though we experienced it many times before, the feeling is still the same … bitter, sorrow and sadness encroaching us no matter how hard we try to hide the feelings, as if we want it to be one of those unwelcoming scary nightmares. But the fact is that the harder we try, the harder we couldn’t run away from those feelings..

Masih terbayang-bayang beberapa wajah yang saya kenali yang telah pun kembali ke rahmatullah. Ketentuan Ilahi tidak ada siapa yang dapat membendungnya. Tidak lambat atau cepat walaupun sesaat; sekiranya detik itu telah tiba. Orang kata ‘berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul”.. sesedih mana pun kita ketika mendapat perkhabaran pemergian rakan –rakan kita, tidak setanding kesedihan yang ditanggung oleh keluarga terdekat mereka.

Patah tumbuh hilang berganti - Tak semua yang tumbuh itu sama dengan yang lama. Tak semua yang baru itu sebagus dengan yang lama.  Each one of us is unique in our own very way. Yang penting di sini adalah kekuatan untuk  meneruskan kehidupan walaupun yang menanti di depan adalah ranjau dan duri yang bakal melukakan tetapi memberi pengalaman hidup yang paling berharga.

Talking about losing… I believe this also applies to losing friends and peers in the Bank.  As time goes by, we have different priorities in life. Differ in priorities might be one of the main reasons why some people took decisive stand to leave or move on.  There is no hard and fast rule as to whether this ‘regime’ is right or wrong. Leaving the current organization due to some glaring disciplinary or integrity issues are prima facie cases that equals to “please leave”. But when we have crème of the crème leaving the organization for good, this has always been an unacceptable move sometimes….at first (or perhaps depending on situation).  But to some extent, I believe warga BSN has been eyeing by other organizations out there. That shows we have caliber, we are dynamic and I would like to think that we are better than those people out there. Kudos everyone! On the same note, I refrain myself to touch on loyalty as I am of the opinion that this is something subjective and rebutable as one of the yardsticks to measure why some employees stay in and leave an organization.

Sometimes, unintentionally, we close one eye not to ever wanting to realize how important a person is until he/she leaves us. Well that’s life. It’s like a box of chocolates. We won’t know what will we get next… J.

My 2sen ….  Come on peeps! This is not the end of the world. People come and people go. That’s life… and that’s a norm. Whatever it takes live has to go on. We should stay focus; committed, not forgetting we have to be VIBRANT! Let’s strive towards giving the BEST to the Bank as at the end of the day, WE would benefit the MOST.

Note …… At the time I am writing this, the aircraft MH370 was reported went missing. Let’s pray for the passengers and the crews. #pray4MH370.

-Croco-



Monday, September 15, 2014

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars.

GOtcHa!

I have just updated my status in FB. Frankly i have been so addicted... sometimes it is merely a check in. Nope..i didnt intend to brag in what ever i do, where i have my lunch or dinner... its just that i want to be seen and i want my FB to be filled with numerous status.
Notwithstanding all these status i.e making it known to the public on my whereabouts, at the same time i want my personal security to be safeguarded! ...and how is that?

This is a phenomena that entangle most of us. We are 'opening' our secrets to the public... to the universe... to the eyes of irresponsible third parties... something which should actually be done discreetly.  These info are easy and free tools for these kinda people to create incidents that would be categorised as accidents at the end of the day.True... Risks are everywhere.. but calculated risks mitigate unpredictable moments. So be careful guys... we might unintentionally channeling salient info to wrong people.
The advent of technology is the so called sole agent (so far) on some 'inhuman' issues happening around us nowadays. People with smart phones can easily be intruders in our daily life. People can simply make you famous within  a day in FB. KXkX was one of them... when she ran amok with that uncle. Well not fair of her as well on her actions. But people recorded her... and alas! Hey KxKx smile ...  u r on social media !! That was tragic right? Well she learned her lesson well..i bet that.

FB is another tool for us to genuinely seek others' friendship and interactions. The platform is superb! But its 
the people that ruins its original objective. Nowadays romance scams are everywhere in FB. I have  tested this ... haahhaha... they sweet talk you... they texted and called you everyday.. at the end asking money from you. Yeah... you have to be emotionally strong and alert all the times in order not to be one of the preys! I wonder why some people still fall for this kinda of scam. I figured out perhaps it was because of love. Once you are so deeply in loved you are blinded and unable to see the truth... what more to distinguish between right or wrong. How powerful love is yeah!!!

Being human, sometimes we faced and encountered frustration in life... sorrow... sadness... dissatisfaction.. 
Its a brilliant move not to share all those moments on social media... people might interpret differently... 
People cant read your mind... except some acquired skill Tok Mohs who can interpret what's on your mind... hahaa. These kinda status will be shared by your so called friends to some other friends. This is what i call gossip; rejuvenates! heheheheh... the implication is wider and of coz viral as the conduit to channel this info is endless... 

Well this is what we call technology... 
Some people claim that we cant live without technology... yes I agree.
Some people allege that technology is the IN thing ... of coz I agree..
But living in this borderless platform where Internet can invade your life any day.. any time... any minute... all you have to do is to be careful... use your brain, don't ever let your emotions rule you and you wouldn't want people to Gotcha you when you have done something silly... right?

So long peeps!

Practise makes PerFeCT

Okay ... looks like my attempt to write in BM sucks?
I was laughed...they said i wrote 'rojak' and there was no feeling at all. Am i that bad? MA ..teruk sangat ke bahasa saya...

But i thought it was good though... (dengan nada perasan) hehehhe.

Ok mungkin saya perlukan masa untuk memasukkan elemen 'perasaan' dalam tulisan saya. Nanti lah saya cuba ... tapi tak janji lah.. ikut kan hati tiap tiap hari nak update blog...walaupun saya bukan lah blogger tegar.... saja suka suka..bila bosan boleh lah baca balik apa yang saya tulis.

Yup blog ni pun bukanlah untuk saya 'cari makan'. Mana mana kawan yang tau aje yang baca... so hits atau page views meme la takleh pakai...

Kalau orang nak kata saya SS pun terpulanglah. Kalau saya SS pun itu hak saya kan. Tak gitu? This is a free country... as long as i didnt hurt anyone or create any fiasco ..that is good enough.

I am cracking my head to find a topic to write for the croco column. Yin has been chasing me. Will try to come out with an article tonight..if time permits .. Insyallah.

So long peeps!

Lost woRDs - iNi buKaN poYO

Ini bukan POYO!

I have been trying to write an entry in bahasa.. but i am stucked! To certain extent i think a friend who commented subtly that i should uphold my mother tougue language is true. Okay MA you won!

Come to think about it again... seriously thinking perhaps i have a problem on that. Not to say that i haven't written in BM but i guess i write faster in english though. Hey! .. that is an acquired ability...and its not easy to reach to this stage.

In fact there are a couple of entries in my blog that were  written in BM.. flawless... hehehe.

Bukanlah saya berlagak tetapi untuk saya kecapi kebolehan menulis di dlm BI bukanlah suatu  perkara yang mudah.  Ada je entri entri saya yang ditulis dalam bahasa ibunda saya.... hahahaa... nampak...saya dah mula membuat translation... btw what is translation in BM?? Haiyooo i am that bad. ??

Ada kalanya juga saya membuat kerja kerja translation.. tak pun menjadi masalah bagi saya...
Dari BM ke BI atau sebaliknya.

Saya juga ada ruangan dalam Buletin yang diterbitkan oleh organisasi saya... di mana saya menggunakan ruangan itu untuk menyuarakan pendapat saya berhubung sesuatu isu. Pengisian ruangan itu selalunya dalam dwi bahasa..yess ..sebab utamanya adalah untuk memastikan mesej yang ingin saya sampaikan difahami oleh setiap peringkat. Tapi... dah 2 edisi saya terlepas untuk menulis sebab masa tidak mengizinkan...  hahhaah nampak tak macamana saya bijak memberi alasan !

Saya memerlukan sesuatu momen untuk menulis. Idea penulisan saya tidak selalu lancar. Hmmm ni lebih jauh dari amatur. Kalau profesional.. mesti idea keluar mencurah curah...

Kemungkinan besar saya lebih selesa menulis dalam BI kerana tugasan saya yang memerlukan kebanyakan kertas kerja dibuat di dalam BI. Dan suasana kerja yang majoriti ketua ketuanya fasih berbahasa BI... tetapi shhhhhhhh.....pada masa yang sama saya menggunakan dwi bahasa untuk bergosip! Klise kan?

Tetapi bagi saya apa yang penting dalam setiap penulisan saya adalah kepuasan. Dan ini amatlah subjektif di mana kepuasan seseorang dengan seseorang yang lain dalam apa jua hal amat berbeza.

Kemungkinan besar ada antara anda yang suka kopi kampung yang kaw dan pekat. Tetapi ada pula di antara anda yang lebih menyukai kopi zaman moden seperti di starbuck atau coffee bean. Bagi saya dua dua jenis kopi sedap dan mempunyai keunikan sendiri. Apa yang lebih penting pengusaha kedua dua jenis kopi ini mempunyai pengikut mereka yang tersendiri dan meraih keuntungan yang berbaloi.Manakala peminat kopi berasa puas menghirup kopi kegemaran mereka.

Setuju?

Hahahaha... ok saya PoYo!