This I PROMISE U

It has been 5 days. I have been observing her emotional landscape.. and studied mine as well.
She was somehow or rather 'complacent' after she got herself CT scanned.
The examination showed that there was a conflict on the reports.
Hence, they (refer to the specialist and the docs) have decided to perform EUA (examination under anaesthetic). This is to identify the location and the origin of the tumor. Said to be done within half an hour, this is a procedure named 'staging' - to examine the stage, grade and the extension of the cancer cells. Next they will take a sample of the cells/tissues for further biopsy. Followed suit would be the major ops.

They said her's at the moment is still at stage 2. Grade is to be determined after the EUA. So far since she had no complaint on painful urinating, they said there shouldnt be any bladder or rectum problem. I am still convinced that her's is at the lowest level.

I had a chance ( ...since I got married in 1996) to have "girls' talk.. Just to keep her occupied and think something positive. It ended with myself acting as a 'psychologist' - talking positive things with her, instilling words of confidence and cracking jokes..just to make her happy, unstress and smile.

Dr Maizatul's piece of advice - once a patient is diagnosed with cancer, he/she must not think of the illness as this is the best psychological medicine that will see the patient sail thru in overcoming her/his illness.

She has just got a neighbour. An elderly of 72 years of age. She had done the operation and is diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She had done chemo and was admitted today due to severe vomiting. when her daughter left, she pulled her curtain so that I couldnt see or notice her. She had lost her hair... just what I thought.. (felt sorry for her).

I hope mum wont see this as something negative. Something that would scare her.
I whispered to her, that is normal. I think she is aware that she will be experiencing the same 'after effects'.
Looking at the real sample of cancer patient in front of my naked eyes, I feel sorry for my mum. Its not merely the painful and the agony that she will have to go through.. but its more than that...and true enough it is very scarry.

I just hope ..... when she reaches to that stage (if ever), she is still the strong woman that I've known .....
... that she will never give up no matter what happen ...
... that she will keep her fighting spirit high ...
... and my pledge and promise to U MAK... I will be by your side till the end of the journey...